Another postcard from the land of grief
There comes a point when living abroad, where to continue sending postcards seems a little odd. After all, you live here now. The tastes, sounds and smells are no longer new. The language and customs may still be a little odd – but you can fit in with them to a degree. You live here, they live there, and if you want to write it should really be a letter rather than a postcard. I am in the process of writing just such a letter now – and you can find details of it here.
The sun has now risen 365 times without its rays ever falling on her face. I have not made her a cup of tea nor held her hand for 365 days. Suns and moons and stars and mistakes and conversations have all passed by without ever sharing them. I have managed, very falteringly, to live without her. She lives there, I live here and we shall not meet again until I travel to another place more foreign still. It will be foreign to me, I suppose, and yet in the truest sense ever it will be home.
The river dawdles
to hold a mirror for you
where you may see yourself
as you are, a traveller
with the moon’s halo
above him, whom has arrived
after long journeying where he
began, catching this
one truth by surprise
that there is everything to look forward to.
(R.S Thomas Arrival)
Until that day comes, and today especially – I shall head for the sea. I shall gaze at its seemingly endless waves. I shall look for its invisible far shore,and I shall choose to believe that on another shore she looks for me.
Hello Richard, I have been following your story since I first heard it on the Daily Service (I think), and began to follow you on Twitter. We lost our rescue dog a year ago this month. So we share some of the same griefs and some of the same loves. I love how you make your experiences real and visible (the bright diamond on a black velvet cushion) and now I understand why you went to the sea today; because of the chasm we cannot cross.
I hope you keep on being strengthened to write and share your story. We quiet followers will keep on appreciating it.
Big pat to Ginny,
A short note to say I finished your Postcards book this morning and found your thoughtful reflections a great help. I said a prayer for you on this anniversary day that will be poignant for you. You are 3 years into your grief journey and I am just 3 months this week. It hardly seems 3 years ago that we at Bridge Church were praying for you and Fiona. 2 Cor 6:10 was in my morning reading – so may the joy from your memories of Fiona today be greater than the sadness of her passing.
PS I lived in Teddington for many years, leaving in 2000.